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On Loss… And Life.
I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile now, but things have been incredibly busy lately. It felt somehow appropriate as we approach the three-year anniversary of our son Gibson’s birthday and subsequent passing to take a few minutes to reflect on this current season of both life and loss. I’m so happy to…
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Wishing You A Gentle Happy Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day after pregnancy or infant loss is complicated. Not only can it be a painful and triggering day for those grieving, but it can be difficult to navigate and engage with society when your experience colors outside of the normal lines. Leading up to my first Mother’s Day, only 6 weeks after Gibson had…
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Singing The Song Again
A few months after we lost our son Gibson in 2022, a friend and I went to the Ahmanson Theater in Downtown LA to see the musical Hadestown, a modern re-telling of the mythic tale of Orpheus and Eurydice. Our young dreamer, Orpheus, falls in love with a beautiful, but plagued Eurydice. In the midst…
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The Road to Compassion
This past Friday, July 21st, 2023, was the planned delivery date for our little Ellie Kay. We were on the schedule for 7:35am, the first c-section of the day. A day very carefully chosen, which should have changed our lives forever. Instead, it slipped by like any other day, without much ado. A few people…
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Trying Again
This timing seems strange, but even as we drove away from the hospital just after our first son, Gibson, had died, both Dustin and I knew with full certainty that we wanted to try again. We knew it more than we’d ever known anything else before. We wanted to be parents together. I wanted us…
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The Hidden Grief
There is a singular grief topic on which I have avoided writing. Perhaps because I cannot tie it up in any kind of bow yet. Or perhaps because it is so deeply personal and raw that even after ten months, I still struggle to face it head on without being overcome by it. It seems,…
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Supporting Those in Traumatic Grief
Loss is an unfortunate reality of life and it is impossible to escape. The world ebbs and flows on the inevitable impermanence of our existence. And yet, as a society, we have always struggled to integrate grief into our daily life and practice. The more traumatic the loss (a loss that feels unfair, unimaginable, unusual,…
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Honoring Loss
When you suffer the loss of a child, you are faced with impossible realities and unbearable choices. Ones for which you can never be fully prepared, regardless of circumstance or warning. Only days before we lost Gibson, we were deciding which car to install the carseat in, and now, we were answering questions no parent…
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An Impossible Six-Months
Today is the 6 month anniversary of Gibson’s passing. It is unreal to me that half a year has already come and gone. As before, our grief continues to come in waves. Crashing in, washing out… over and over again. As time goes on, we learn to ride that wave where it needs to go…
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The Most Dreaded & Desired Question
“How are you doing?” Simultaneously, my most dreaded and desired question. On one hand, what can I possibly say that captures the nuance and depth, the constant and elusive flow of emotions I feel every single day after losing my son? Grief and trauma of this magnitude are exhausting. It is also annoyingly difficult to…
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The Unspeakable Spoken 